i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
