why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
