It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
