I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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