I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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