I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
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There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
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We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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