Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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