i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I looked at my own cervix.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
