hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
