I didn't shave. On purpose
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
