my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
