i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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