Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
now i know why i became what i already was.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
