She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
