you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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