I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize