speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize