Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
