i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
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Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
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Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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