I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
