Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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