Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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