I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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