Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
