Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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