someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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