Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize