I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
