walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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