nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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