Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
