whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He? As in you personified your dick?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
