Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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