it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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