you would pick up someone in the library
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
be there in ten.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
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You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
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she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug