you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.