Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven

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(978): i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven http://tfl.nu/9auj

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(714): View more from California

Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.

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(714): Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park. http://tfl.nu/ogfg

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(770): View more from Georgia

separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.

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(770): separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles. http://tfl.nu/p09d

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(812): View more from Indiana

Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....

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(812): Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms.... http://tfl.nu/4wax

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.

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(803): Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear. http://tfl.nu/2r4l

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(816): View more from Missouri

He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.

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(816): He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner. http://tfl.nu/o8kh

Replies (15) Good night (1015) Bad night (3497) Order T-Shirt
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(309): View more from Illinois

I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.

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(309): I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season. http://tfl.nu/pxkc

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(858): View more from California

We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.

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(858): We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport. http://tfl.nu/he08

Replies (88) Good night (1970) Bad night (13212)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract

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(215): I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract http://tfl.nu/jt8l

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(317): View more from Indiana

just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing

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(317): just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing http://tfl.nu/zjbc

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(706): View more from Georgia

I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.

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(706): I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable. http://tfl.nu/ug12

Replies (3) Good night (1268) Bad night (699)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!

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(+44): He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again! http://tfl.nu/ztd6

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(908): View more from New Jersey

This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.

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(908): This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar. http://tfl.nu/pvsf

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(906): View more from Michigan

We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.

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(906): We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad. http://tfl.nu/iebd

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot

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(763): Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot http://tfl.nu/9zep

Replies (6) Good night (364) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt

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