He's been sleeping iwht ***
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
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I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
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A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.