apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
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its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
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Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...