escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
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Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
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You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
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