my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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