you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
