First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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