There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
