drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My penis needs a shock collar
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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