stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
