I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
