My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
