i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
