FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize