Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
