I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
