i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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