i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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