i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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