sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
