It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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