And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
