I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
