before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
